The Tragedy of Inaction
by ezmegaz
Summary: After the death of the fourth child a meeting with a grieving little sister makes a certain boy open his eyes and take action.
1. Inaction

A/N: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion and the song Mutter from Rammstein. But using them is sure a lot of fun! This is the first of a two-part story. Next part will be up after some additional proof-reading. Please R&R.

* * *

My name is Shinji Ikari, and I'm 14 years old, close to 15. This is my confession. As it is unlikely that I will survive the following days I decided to document what happened to me. Whether it will reach anyone, I don't know. I intend to hand it to the person I wish was my father. If my assumptions are correct, he'll get it to people who may be able to make some use of it. I don't want this ugly Greek tragedy I call my life go undocumented, even as I fear it will.

Why am I probably dead by the time you read it? Because I killed, or tried to kill – amongst others – one of the most important men in the world. While some would say that the description would also fit me because of my unique job, I don't agree with them. I am not important. I hoped I would be seen as one, but judging by the attitude of NERV, it is unlikely.

This will not be the first time I've killed someone. While people tried to reassure me that my friend died because of the dummy plug, a device meant to replace human pilots I cannot absolve myself. Without my friend I will never get the forgiveness that could still my conscience. No, I'm lying, even if he would be alive I'd still be feeling guilty. Because in a way I am.

Inaction can be as much of a killer as direct action. Maybe if I'd have fought I could have found a way to prevent his death. Or maybe I should have voiced my misgivings right after I have been forced to murder my best friend. But I did nothing. I exited the entry plug after I've been retrieved and moped for a long time. I even pretended to not be angry at my father, because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

All that came down on the 15th of November, 2015. That was the day I met a certain girl called Sakura Suzuhara, my first victim. She was injured in the first angel attack months ago, thanks to my clumsiness with Unit-01. Of course Misato has explained that I should not feel guilty, I didn't have any training back then and it was inevitable that someone would get hurt. Little did that help me. But I digress.

Saying Sakura was saddened by his brothers death would be the understatement of the decade. The minute I saw her, even before realizing who she was I saw the deep sorrow in her eyes, the sorrow of someone who lost someone close to her.

She must have been waiting for me, because the moment she saw me she attacked me. Screaming obscenities that would make veteran seamen blush in shame, she punched and kicked at me. Her reaction reminded me of her brother and how he reacted after Sakura was injured.

"Why?" She screamed at me, "why did you kill him?" I saw the tears in her eyes and I died a little inside.

"I... I..." What do you say to a person who lost her brother thanks to you?

"Answer me!" She bellowed, after stopping her assault on me.

"I... I'm sorry," my head hung in shame as I replied. I couldn't say anything else.

She just stared at me with tears in her eyes. I think I was crying too. For too long I felt numb and sorry for myself for the realization to truly hit me. My best friend died and her sister wanted to confront his killer. If she had decided to kill me then and there, I couldn't have held it against her.

"Sorry doesn't bring him back." She told me as she slumped down next to the wall. Anger seemed to leave her for the moment. "What happened. No bullshit like the one NERV gave me."

"I-I cannot t-talk a-about that." Most of the operations related to angels were secret, although no one had the resources to truly keep information about them contained, as evidenced by Kensuke's recording of the battle against the 5th angel.

"Don't give me that, Ikari." She spat. "Tell me now, or I swear you'll wish you'd rot in hell."

In any other situation the threats of the 12 year old girl would have been cute but that was far from what I thought then. While I wasn't really intimidated by this girl, she had the right, no, the need to know what happened. As a person who bemoaned NERV employees for keeping vital information (like the identity of the fourth child) from me I didn't have any ground to stand on.

So I told her everything. I didn't care if I would get into any trouble and I think she was unconcerned as well. Maybe the truth would help her and her family cope better.

"... after that, I saw him... carried out of the plug." I finished the story. "He was already dead."

"Did he suffer?" She asked through her tears.

"I-I don't know."

"Don't... Shinji. Please, tell the truth." She asked.

"Yes, he did." I answered, truthfully. "They say the angel entered his mind and it was in all likelihood a painful experience. I'm sorry."

"Thank you for telling me." She answered. "If what you said is true, then it wasn't your fault."

"I could have..."

"No," she said, with a weak, teary smile, "you could not have. Probably the angel already killed him." After saying that she started to cry uncontrollably again. I didn't know how to help her or comfort her. And for that I hated myself even more.

* * *

I've been so blind towards others that I always seemed to notice things too late. Even now, when I was trying to make sense of the things, it took me days to notice how Misato behaved the day before Unit-03's activation. I only remembered because I was going over everything in my head again and again.

Right after the incident I have chalked it up to her not wanting to stress me. She knew how much pain piloting has caused me. But in my paranoid mind that excuse seemed too thin now. Didn't she tell me because she knew something?

"No, Shinji, of course I didn't know," she replied after I managed to ask her. It wasn't easy seeing how she was never really home after the incident. There was a lot of paperwork after each battle. "I thought that it would be a routine activation."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" I asked back, something not adding up. "I would have found out eventually."

"Yes, but remember what happened to Rei and Unit-00? I didn't want to worry you. Such a thing seemed unlikely, but I was afraid it would stress you more. Especially since you've just returned from the 12th."

"You thought that such a thing could have happened?"

"Ritsuko said it was extremely unlikely, but still possible. She and your father asked me to keep it quiet so you wouldn't stress more." She replied. "I told Asuka and asked her to keep it to herself. I wanted to tell you before I left, but I guess I didn't have the nerve. I'm sorry, Shinji-kun." Why did my father ask her really? I knew enough to understand that my father wasn't interested in my well-being at all.

"Why was he even selected?" After all I told Touji about piloting I didn't understand why he accepted. He even seemed to be really anxious and agitated before the activation.

"His family had a lot of medical bills from his sisters care and rehabilitation. In case he'd accept those bills would have been taken care of and NERV would pay for any further medications and therapy needed. While she's more-or-less healed, she has still not regained full functionality of her legs."

It was blatant manipulation. The same kind I faced the first time I piloted. They even paraded an injured girl before me, exposing her to more pain. But I was an idiot and never noticed it. It was the same tactic they used against me.

It was pretty obvious that my father saw compassion as a weakness and was prepared to use it against anyone opposing him. And from his request to Misato with a bit of a stretch it seemed possible that not only did he know this would happen, but also wanted me to be there when he was killed. To have that one horrible realization that my best friend died thanks to me. But why?

* * *

I was walking aimlessly in the halls of NERV. A sync test was scheduled for that day. Showing NERV's professional but uncaring attitude was the fact that it happened to be not even a week after Touji's death. After the test I wanted to go home, but I had to wait for Misato to finish.

As I wandered around I found my way to the control center again. I used my natural talent for remaining unnoticed as I watched the three techs doing their work. In all honesty I didn't like them. Not that they were callous, like my father or Akagi, but because they were the true arms of NERV. Whatever orders were given, they executed it. And usually it just added to my pain.

"Damn." I heard Ibuki, the current second-in-command of Project E say. "With all the backflow from the dummy you'd expect the Commander to give us more time."

"You know what he wants." Replied the long-haired one. I didn't know his name, but I still remember the words he said to me. That it was not my fault, that the dummy did everything, I am not to blame. But like I already said, inaction and all that. He couldn't possibly understand, he never was in combat. At least not in the personal, one-on-one type we pilots had to face. "I think it is more humane that way. It's best for them if we use the plugs."

"Haven't you seen what it did?" Ibuki almost screamed. It was known that she hated the autopilot system. "It may be more humane than using children to pilot but it can be barely controlled. And the damage it causes to the EVA is too much."

"Yes, man, I have to agree with her." Misato's Minion said. I forgot his name too, but I know he always hovers around her. Maybe has a crush on my guardian. "With every use the backflow will get worse. One day that EVA will stop working until a proper core replacement is done."

"Nah, the Dark Lord would never let that happen. You know that." Mr. Long-Hair replied. I didn't know and it made me suddenly much more interested in the conversation. My father always seemed to care more about the EVA than me. I approached them, 'decloacking' from the back of the control room.

"Why?" I asked. To my secret amusement they all jumped in surprise.

"Jeez, Shinji, since when did you become a ninja? And how long have you been listening?" Ibuki asked. While normally I would not be confrontational I really wanted answers. So I tried to channel my inner bastard, legacy of my father.

"Why does he not want the core replaced?" I asked, as stone faced and confident as I could possibly muster the courage to. I don't think it worked very well.

"We don't know. The cores of 00 and 02 are replaced every few months, when they are getting unstable." The Minion told me. "All data is transferred so really everything is the same, but 01's never got replaced. Commander Ikari rejected all such requests."

"Yes, I think that's the reason 01 is so unstable. We really should have replaced the core after the 12th." Long-Hair said. "It is getting worse and worse." He looked at me with apologetic eyes. "It makes syncing easier, but more damaging to you. I guess the Dar... I mean the Commander does not care. I'm sorry."

Crocodile tears. All I needed. I'm no enemy of some sympathy, but these are the same people who can still work knowing that 14 year olds are fighting against these eldritch abominations. They are the people who can rationalize the stress and pain put upon us.

While this may seem like whining, even Asuka admitted that syncing was hard on her. In one of her 'nice' moments I have come to treasure she told me that the only reason she can deal with it is because she's been doing it since age 4 and became somewhat desensitized to it. And these people knew it. But my anger is really misplaced, they are just my fathers minions.

The moment they'd show signs of cracking, he would remove them. I know that Maya Ibuki's hesitation of activating the dummy plug resulted in her demotion from 1st Lieutenant to 2nd after an arduous military tribunal. If they actually refused an order during combat they'd probably be executed on the spot, by Misato. We pilots only avoided this fate simply by being harder to replace. With the dummy plugs looming over us, even this was not so sure anymore.

"It's not your fault," I replied after a minute of reflection, "I know you don't want this."

"Shinji, you have to know that if it were up to me I would have never activated that damn plug." Ibuki said. "I wanted to refuse the order and buy you some time, but refusing an order..."

"I know." I replied, my eyes tearing up from the memory. "It wasn't your fault."

After saying my goodbye, I left the bridge technicians to meet up with Misato.

* * *

"Ich durfte keine Nippel lecken  
und keine Falte zum verstecken  
niemand gab mir einen Namen  
gezeugt in Hast und ohne Samen"

I heard the singing from Misato's apartment. I have to admit Asuka's voice was like that of an angel. Not the biblical ones, but the real ones we faced in the EVA's. As I heard her sing terribly off-key to the German band, I looked back to the introspective and existential nightmare I had while being in the 12th angel with a certain longing.

Music was one of my strong suits. I had really no preference, I liked to listen to all kinds of music, from Classical to Albanian folk music. That was one of my only indulgences. Thanks to my teacher I had an extensive music library on my computer. All legal, I swear, so leave my machine alone, especially the folder named... sorry, I'm rambling.

Misato was less critical. After the verse I just heard, she started to sing the next one. Thanks to her stay in Germany with the young girl she knew the song by heart.

"Der Mutter die mich nie geboren  
hab ich heute Nacht geschworen  
ich werd ihr eine Krankheit schenken  
und sie danach im Fluss versenken"

Asuka noticed her and they sang together. Every man has it's limits. When the 7th attacked, I wanted to run away every day, since our success relied on synchronizing with Asuka... with the power of dance. It was such an idiotic plan I wanted to run, to never to return. But I stayed, because I wanted to impress my father. Or possibly her, I don't even know which one.

I was about to start, but Asuka grabbed me before I could get out of arms reach. "And where are you going?"

"Away. Far far away." I wildly motioned with my hands.

"Misato, Shinji snapped again." She said, nonchalantly. "How he's going to make lunch? I'm not sure letting him near the knifes would be a good idea."

"What?" Misato asked, noticing me. She must have seen something, because she stepped away from me. "Shinji, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am. Why does everyone think I'll snap one day and kill everyone?" I muttered as I went to the kitchen to prepare food.

"What's his problem?" I heard Asuka ask.

"Oh, you know how he is. Had a stressful day and all."

"That's not it!" I shouted so they could hear me. Well, that was it but I didn't want to show it. "But you two sing horribly."

"Hey!" Asuka stomped into the kitchen and got close to me. "What is the problem with my singing? I have you know, a lot of guys asked me to go out to sing karaoke with them!"

"And have you accepted, even once?"

"Of course not." She replied with a smug grin. "They are not worthy of the Great Asu..."

"There you have it!" I replied smugly. "They never actually heard you sing."

"What was that?" That was the voice of Danger, with a capital D. It was the kind of sickeningly sweet tone she only took before dishing out pain. I didn't want to face that, so I backed down. What else could I do?

"S-Sorry."

"Better." She rolled her eyes. "Now, what got you really stressed?"

"Nothing." I didn't want to talk, but I knew Asuka would not drop it. "Just, you know, sync training."

"No, you are not so stressed after a routine sync test. Out with it!"

"Okay... geez!" I replied. "I just found out they replace the cores at regular intervals. Every few month or so."

"And that's got you so upset? I could have told you that. I even know most of the procedure!" She must have been really proud of that. "You know, I have a degree in computer science and NERV also gave me some additional education. I think I could even do the transfer all by myself!"

"No, that's not it." I replied, but realized something. "Really? How does it work?"

"Oh, it's nothing complicated. The core is just a really big quantum-storage. They contain some sort of AI designed to control the low-level functions of the EVA, like the motor functions. This way we only have to concentrate on high-level stuff. In a way this lets us feel the EVA as our own bodies.

"The core itself is a ROM, all state data is stored in the EVA itself, but it is cleared every time after deactivation. When the core becomes unstable, they scan it and copy the data it contains. It is too big even for temporary storage on the MAGI, so they do it directly core-to-core."

"Wow, that sounds interesting," Misato replied, "when did you learn this?"

"It's pretty basic stuff. Why didn't you learn it during your training?"

"Cores were developed a few years after I finished training." She replied with a shrug. "Besides, I didn't know you were such a geek. You and Kensuke would be soooo right for each other..." No matter the talk or situation we were in, she always managed to tease us.

"You have to be kidding!" Asuka stomped off to her room, outraged by Misato's allegations. "No way I'm going to associate with that idiot!"

I mulled over what I've heard. At the time it didn't make much sense, so I gave up for the time being and concentrated on making food.

* * *

"Hey, idiot!" I heard Asuka. After we ate, I cleaned the plates, as usual. Misato was already in the living room, watching some trashy teen drama. "You never told me what got you so stressed."

"Sorry. Misato kind of derailed the conversation." I sighed. "I found out they never replaced the core of Unit-01."

"What?" She asked, surprised. "Really? No wonder it's so unstable."

"Yeah, and apparently it causes more stress for me."

"That makes sense. The backflow would destabilize it more. It must be really bad by now."

"Backflow?" I asked. This was the same word I heard from the bridge techs. "What's backflow?"

"I don't know the exact definition, but it is a kind of contamination of the core coming from the pilot." She was deep in thought at that.

"If it's a ROM, shouldn't it be... you know... one way or something?"

"Yes, but you cannot create a truly read-only core. Some state is stored in it, but only for a few milliseconds, until the EVA's systems accept the data. After it, it will regain its previous state. But the process is not perfect."

"Ah, I get it." I though it over. "No, I don't."

"Baka! Simply said, the more you interact with it, the more it degrades. It becomes harder to retain the old state. It simply wears out."

"Oh. So it's dying?"

"In a way. But it'll take years until it becomes unusable." She looked at me with those beautiful cerulean eyes. But unlike the anger or annoyance I was used to, they held sympathy. "I'm so sorry."

"W-Why?" I was not used to getting sympathy from Asuka. But I could see that she put some theory together. I feared what she would say.

"Because the degraded core, you will sync more efficiently. But it will be more stressful." Usually sync scores were a sore topic with her, especially since I've overtaken her a few weeks before. "No wonder you have such a high rate."

"Are you saying..."

"Shinji, they might do this on purpose. A sick experiment by Ritsuko... They tested it with me once. They made me sync with an artificially degraded core. My rate shot up by 20% but it was horrible. I felt like something was about to forcefully enter my mind. They had to cut the experiment short. In the end, it was not worth the risk."

I could not speak. If what I've heard was true, then my sync ratio would be at 60% or less with a proper EVA. This explained why Asuka suddenly wasn't so hostile about my "superior" rate. Once again I found out my father fucked me over. Sorry for the language.

"It wasn't Dr. Akagi." I said after a while. "My father ordered it." After a few moments of thinking, I asked, "Do you think they could determine angelic contamination from the core?"

"If the core was scanned after the infection of Unit-03 then yes. It probably happened right before the test. But I doubt they did such a scan. While the EVA was built in the USA, the core itself was already constructed and stored here, in Tokyo-3." She thought. "Yes, the angel also causes backflow, but in a drastically different way. If I had the core scans of Unit-03 and Unit-02 I could compare them and figure it out. But like I said, it's unlikely they scanned it before."

"If they did, could you tell from the data?"

"Yes, probably. It's not so hard. I mean, even you could do it. It's fairly obvious." That gave me an idea.

* * *

You are the worst spy in the world. Not only did you fail to cover your tracks, you even started to involve Misato in your own business. I have a feeling my father already knew from the beginning. But since you are still alive even now, you probably still have your use.

How does a boy like me discover a spy? By simply listening where he shouldn't. One day, Misato was supposed to take me home, but was late, as usual. I went to her office, hoping she was there. My path took me before yours, when I heard her voice.

"I just found out myself. From Asuka, no less." She said. "Shinji apparently remembers what happened during the battle with the 3rd and that he was in control."

This got my attention. It was not true, of course, but Asuka must have made up some story or other. Probably to make me look bad. It was a really aggravating trait of hers.

"Why would he hold something like this back?"

"I don't remember exactly, but something about not wanting to be seen as a blood-thirsty berserker." She replied. "Asuka might have made it up. I didn't think it was important this long after that battle. I was about to ask Shinji, but forgot about the whole ordeal when we found the 8th angel. But after what happened recently, I remembered."

"This is important. It might get us closer to learning the truth about the EVA's."

"I thought you wanted to find out about the Commander's plans."

"My employers need to know everything they can." You said after a while, giving yourself away. "They have been suspecting Gendou and his employers to have some relation to the Second Impact."

Did he? I only knew that he was my father and the head of NERV. Everything else about the man was a mystery. I didn't even know for a long time that his original family name was Rokobungi. So I continued to listen, hoping to find out more.

"Just don't go poking into things you shouldn't. I don't want you getting killed."

"I'll be careful. Wouldn't want you to miss me." You replied in that playful, lady-killer tone of yours. How much I envied you for your confidence.

"Cut it out!" She repied. "Shit. I must get Shinji. I'm already late!"

I ran from your office, back to the lockers. A few minutes later Misato showed up. But back to the present. I was standing before your door, gathering my courage. You have to understand, I was about to do something that could get me killed or worse. But I could not back down. I wanted, no, needed to know what happened. So I knocked.

* * *

No need to reiterate what happened next. You probably remember. But I still feel the need to write our conversation down. Maybe it will help if you give the letter to your employers.

"Good morning, Kaji-san."

"No need to be so formal, Shinji-kun!" You said. "And call me Ryoji. No-one else seems to do it!"

"I-It would not be proper to do so, Kaji-san." I replied, a bit flustered. I barely knew the man and I felt uncomfortable calling him by his given name.

"Suit yourself... So, what can I do for you, my boy?"

"I need your help."

"Anything I can do?"

"Could you find out if there was a core scan of Unit-03 before the activation? And the scan of Unit-02's core? Same battle, of course."

"Why do you think I could get such things?"

I closed the door before answering, remembering how I got to know about your job. "Because I know who you really are."

"Really? Don't tell anyone! The Joker would kill me!" You laughed at your own joke.

"I heard you talk about the Commander and his involvement in the Second Impact."

"Shit."

"You should really check if someone is listening before involving your girlfriend." I replied in a tone that was more nervous than suave. But it didn't matter.

"Have you told it to anyone?" You asked. While I was fairly sure you wouldn't harm me, I was still scared shitless. My legs began to tremble. "Shinji, I won't hurt you!" You said when you noticed. "Shit, you watch too many movies."

"R-r-re-really?"

"Shinji, please. Even if I could harm a kid like yourself, you are far more important to mankind than I am!" You were a bit vehement in your reply. "I have orders not to harm under any circumstances the pilots, the bridge crew and Dr. Akagi."

That put me at ease enough, so I answered your question. "No, only I know. I don't want to cause you or Misato any problems."

After a bit of thought you seemed more calm too. "I could probably find them, no problem. But why do you want it? Only the techs could make sense of it."

"I just have to. I have a theory. Please..." I pleaded.

"Okay, fine. Look, it won't even take much time. I mean, I can guess your theory..."

"You can?" I asked, completely taken aback. Did someone else suspect what I did?

"Yes, it was obvious. I cannot tell why, but from the information I collected it seems that your father..." You noticed my looks, "I mean the Commander knows pretty much anything that's going to happen to a degree, if not completely. But all I have is some circumstantial evidence, hearsay and such.

"Look, I'll get you the readings, but promise me you won't do anything stupid with it."

"I promise," I lied, but if you are reading this, you already know that. Although at the time I was honest.

* * *

It took almost a week, but you gave the readings to me. That week has been agonizing. The thought that my father somehow planned for this was too much. Factor in the feeling that the next angel was going to attack anytime now and you can see why I was a nervous wreck.

But you came through. In a truly spy fashion, you took me to a coffee shop to give me an envelope. After that we just talked about what you said was guy-talk, but it was more like some good-natured teasing.

You probably never noticed how much alike you and Misato are. Was this the reason you had a relationship? Or was this just how you affected each other? I will probably never know. But that talk in the café put me in a slightly better mood after that shitty week. I thank you for that, I really needed some cheering up.

I should also mention that Asuka was behaving much nicer ever since she found out about the core. Something about being the number one pilot again, even though I still had the superior sync rate. I just hoped no-one would notice the change of her attitude. Certainly not Dr. Akagi, since she used to find some kind of sick pleasure in tormenting her with this fact.

"Asuka, are you home?" I called in the apartment, after arriving at home. I wanted to talk to her as soon as possible. I had a very bad feeling but I needed to get my answers.

"I'm in here, idiot!" She replied from the kitchen. Unlike before, the 'idiot' sounded a bit affectionate now. "What do you need?"

I just handed her the envelope, without explanation. She opened it and scanned the sheet containing the core scan chart of Unit-02 that was taken before the battle.

"Yes, this looks normal. They just replaced the core so there was only a small degree of degradation. Something to be expected."

The chart contained a few graphs and some text on the top of it:

2015-11-12  
11:57  
Unit-02  
M. Ibuki

She handed me the chart and started to study Unit-03's charts. After a minute or so, her eyes went wide. Without telling me anything, she pointed to the top of it. It read:

2015-11-12  
12:17  
Unit-03  
R. Akagi, K. Itzuki

That date, of course was forever burned into my mind. That was the day when Touji died. From the timestamp, the data must have been taken right before the activation. What worried me was what Asuka said a week before. That there would be no reason to take a core scan before Touji's activation experiment.

"What?" I asked, but Asuka was not replying. "What does it mean?" I grabbed the chart and looked at it. While the graphs on Unit-02's chart seemed smooth, Unit-03's was erratic. A lot of peaks were on the graph.

"I'm sorry, Shinji!" She replied, distressed. "They knew!"

I didn't know what to do, so I did what I usually do and ran away. I needed to get away. I didn't even notice that I still had the sheets with me.

* * *

"Sakura, could you meet me? I want to show you something."

"Shinji, what is wrong? Is everything all right?"

"No. Meet me at the mall. Bye." I ended the call. I didn't want to let anything slip over the phone since it was probably still monitored. It took her less than twenty minutes to arrive. I must have really made her worry, since it seemed she ran all the way. Her legs were still not fully healed, so she hobbled a bit.

"What is wrong, Shinji?" She asked. When I think back, I knew she understood that it was about him. About Touji.

"They knew." I felt numb, desperately not wanting to believe it. Wanting to go back home, forgetting what I saw and listen to my stupid SDAT. But I owed that much to her, so I stayed. Hope you will be proud of me. "NERV knew."

"Knew what? Shinji, you're scaring me!" She definitely understood me. Denial. I knew that one.

"That Unit-03 was infected." I replied. "I even found proof." I handed her the sheets, realizing too late that she's not going to understand them. "They checked and found it, half an hour before the experiment."

"No..."

"I'm sorry." I replied. "I'm so sorry... They wanted this to happen!" I screamed as I saw Sakura cry miserably. I hugged her awkwardly, trying to at least provide some comfort. I felt her shake from her sobbing.

"He only accepted because of me." She cried out. "It's my fault he got into that monster."

"No, it's not. It's all my fault." The realization hit me. "If you wouldn't have been hurt, he would have never accepted. If I wouldn't have refused to pilot at first when I arrived then you'd never been hurt."

"No..." She said, her tears drying up. "No... It was NERV's fault. Shinji, you have to show this to someone. Make them pay."

"Who?"

"I don't know. The police, the army, anyone..."

"And then what? NERV is too big to be taken down. And my father, the real culprit is too powerful. He would get away with it."

"They can't... Shinji, they can't get away with killing my brother." She said, weeping again. "Please... Shinji..."

"I'll figure something." I don't know why I said it, I felt pretty powerless. I had that feeling my whole life, but this was much worse. Not the usual weary feeling of having no control, but the feeling of control being wretched right from my hands. "Please, keep this to yourself for now."

"I... I can't. My father needs to know."

"Please, Sakura. Just wait a few weeks. Please." I begged her.

"Okay." She answered finally, after a long pause. "But what will you do?"

"I don't know yet."

* * *

I returned home a hour after I ran out. I felt bad after calming down a bit, mostly because I must have worried Asuka. The moment I entered our apartment, she slapped me. So maybe she wasn't just worried.

"What is it with you running out?"

"Asuka, please take a walk with me." I simply said, foregoing any greetings since she did it too. We were across the parking lot when I told her about my meeting with Sakura.

"Shinji," she said, fear in her eyes. "you shouldn't have told her! They'll figure out and you'll get her in trouble."

"She had to know." I said. "She's his sister."

"I know. But now? What if your bastard father kills her?"

"He won't."

"You can't know that!"

"I do!" I raised my voice. "Until she stays quiet, he will not do anything. And besides, no-one followed me."

"How do you know? Section-2 follows you always..."

"They are idiots. After the 4th I ran away. It took them 18 hours to catch up with me." I said. "When it comes to running away I am a pro." I said with a wry smile.

"Shinji, I hope you wont do something stupid."

"I will." I said. "But I won't involve you in it."

"That's not what I meant!" She said, "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"They wont kill one of their pilots." I said. "And I'm not stupid enough to start a pissing contest with the Commander."

"Then what will you do?"

"I don't know. After the angels are gone, I will give the results to the JSSDF or someone. But now we have to concentrate on the bigger threat."

"I'm glad you're not going to do something idiotic." She said, visibly calmer. "I know they need to pay for this, but now is not the proper time. I'm only saying this because I know how you act when you're pissed."

"What?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm just a cowardly, spineless wimp."

"Maybe, but I saw the videos of you fighting the 4th. And I saw you during the 6th. Shinji, you may be a bit of a coward, but you're also the Berserker."

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"I saw your fight with the 3rd. I still don't believe you lost control. You were too much like that during the fight with the 4th. After that, people at NERV started to nickname you that."

"I had no control during the 3rd." I replied. "Honestly."

"Hmmm... but during..."

"Yes, that was me. I was scared and I acted in fear. Lizard-brained survival instincts or something."

"Shinji, don't give me that. You saved me twice during the 8th. I never thanked you properly." She replied with a sheepish smile.

"Twice?"

"Your idea about thermal expansion and your unprotected magma dive." She gave me her rare, honest and friendly smiles. Although I have to admit that lately they weren't that rare. "You may be braver than you give yourself credit for. If you wouldn't hate yourself that much you'd be a classical hero. The young boy answering the call to save the world from destruction."

"T-Thanks."

"I guess you just operate better under stress. You'll do what you have to, not?"

"I guess. Thanks, Asuka. I have to do something else today."

"Fine. But if you forget dinner..."

"I'll be back in an hour. Promise."

* * *

Rei Ayanami was the second closest person to my father. That was the reason I was there. Maybe she knew something about the fight with the 13th. An explanation, some insight, anything.

Apartment 402 was still as dilapidated as ever. I never could believe how someone could live in such a dump. While Misato and Asuka were never cleanly themselves, they at least cared about it. That is why they always insisted I clean up, but never did it themselves.

I long since learned that knocking was futile since even if she heard it, she gave no reply. So I opened the door, looking down in case she was showering. But after a while I saw that she was just sitting on her bed, reading a book. 'EVA Core Telemetry, Vol. 2'

Interesting choice of reading material, considering what I wanted to talk about. I knew I had to be careful not to let anything go, since this talk would most likely be recounted to the Commander. I already suspected that I was lucky me, Asuka or you didn't get caught. I hoped it was because nobody noticed.

"Hello, Ayanami-san." I knew she wouldn't reply until a concrete question was asked, so I continued immediately. "Why are you reading that?"

"Understanding the practical aspects of the EVA's operation is required from all pilots." She replied in her usual monotone. The thing about her was that while she had emotions she had trouble expressing them properly. But someone who was observant could easily guess what she felt. She had the worst poker-face once you got to know her subtle reactions.

"Is there any particular reason you are reading that book and not..." I picked up another manual randomly, labeled 'EVA Weapons Manual, Pellet Rifle, HEAA Ammunition' "this one?"

"The ineffectiveness of the HEAA weapons system is well known as demonstrated by the combat against the 4th and 7th angels."

"It was effective against the 9th."

"The 9th angel had no active AT-Field at the time of the attack."

"True. But why that particular book?" I had my suspicion that Rei was avoiding answering my question.

"I... that information is classified."

"Really? You cannot tell me why you're reading that particular book?"

"Yes."

I knew that drilling her for more would be futile. After all, this was the same girl trained to endure torture in case she was interrogated. My feeble attempts would do nothing good. But I still had to try.

"It has something to do with the last one, doesn't it?"

"That is classified."

"So you deny it?" I tried to not show my anger at the bluehead, but it was getting harder. It was odd, since Rei Ayanami seemed to be the person I could never really get angry at.

"No. I refused to answer, both affirmative and negative."

"Who classified this information?" I asked, pushing more. "My father? Dr. Akagi? The sub-commander?"

"No."

"Then it is not classified. Only they have higher clearance than you."

"..."

"Tell me, please. I know you want to protect me, but I need to know. Please..." I pleaded her. It must have worked since I actually got an answer.

"I suspect the angelic contamination could have been detected prior to the activation with a core scan. Such a scan would take an insignificant amount of time." She answered, "In the future such occurrences will be avoided using this security measure."

"Why was there no core scan?"

"A core scan would be illogical since cores are stored isolated in NERV. The infection must have happened prior to the activation or during the transfer to the Matsushiro site."

That seemed logical, but something was odd. She was lying about something, the subtle blush told me that much. On anyone this would not show, but Rei had a really pale skin tone. This made her a bad liar even if she had a huge amount of self control.

"There is a third possibility. Intentional contamination."

"That is illogical. It would put NERV at a strategical disadvantage." She replied. Her blush deepened. "NERV had several tactical scenarios developed to operating four Evangelions. Even the 4th's sync ratio of 25% could be improved to the point of him being useful in combat."

"Yes, I know." I replied. I was much worse at hiding my emotions, but Rei was also bad at interpreting them. While she has probably noticed them, she could not infer their meaning. "But still..."

"The infection made by Bardiel is similar to the one by Ireul."

That got my interest. "Ireul?" I remembered all angels, both by name and designation, but I didn't recognize that one.

"That information is classified." It was pointless, I realized. She would not say anything else. Even getting the name 'Ireul' was lucky.

"I see. Thank you, Ayanami-san. Good bye."

"Good bye, Shinji-kun."

* * *

She knew more than she let on. When I asked you about Ireul, you didn't know what I was talking about. Even after searching the MAGI, you could only dig up a generic description. 'Angel of Fear'. We never faced that one. But why was the 10th followed by the 12th? The official version was that the 11th had been a false positive but the MAGI already recorded the classification.

"Misato-san? Can I ask you something?"

"I already have a boyfriend, but thanks for your interest." She replied with her usual teasing grin.

"What is Ireul?" I asked, hoping she would have more on this 'false positive.'

"Where did you hear it?" She asked.

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not. We were ordered under the threat of prosecution for treason not to report it or tell it to anyone." She replied. "Ireul is the 11th angel, it infected the MAGI and almost did the same to the test bodies. You pilots were evacuated to the Geofront lake to prevent it from coming into contact with you."

"Why didn't anyone tell us?" I asked. "I mean, that angel was similar to the 13th. Wouldn't it have been important to know?"

"Shinji, the two were separate angels. They had nothing to do with each other."

"Both were able to infect NERV technology. So they must have had some similarities. And if it infected the MAGI, it could have gotten information about the EVA's and the core schematics. Dr. Akagi even said the angels probably share some overmind."

"Interesting theory but impossible to prove." She told me after a while. "And Ritsuko has a few... odd theories. One is about Pen Pen and how he was used as a prototype for the EVA."

"What?"

"Never mind."

I tried to forget that last one for the sake of my slipping sanity. "Wouldn't it have been logical to do a check? After all, NERV already knew that angels could..."

"Shinji, I know what you've been thinking, but hindsight is 20/20. No-one, not even your father knew about the infection. It was an unfortunate accident."

"How come that only you, Akagi and Itzuki survived the explosion at Matsushiro?"

"What?" Misato looked hurt. "Ritsuko noticed something and pulled me behind a van. It protected us. And Kazumi was already heading back to Tokyo-3. You don't think I had something to do with it, do you?"

"No," I replied, "I don't. I just was curious how you survived. Sorry for making you believe otherwise." I tried to smile.

"Shinji, try to put it behind you, otherwise it will eat at you. You are already becoming paranoid." She put her good hand on my shoulder. "Do you want to talk to a professional?"

"I'm not crazy!" I cried.

"Shinji, if you haven't noticed, everyone at NERV is a bit crazy. I was in psychiatric care for years after the Second Impact. I never told you, but I was there at ground zero. I saw the world burn and my father die. Then I was floating alone in the Arctic Sea for days, without food or water. The others have similar stories. You should ask Asuka about her mother one time." She looked away, thinking. "Maybe not. She's been in a foul mood the whole afternoon."

"Oh. I'm sorry for making you worry." I left her to go make the dinner I promised Asuka.

* * *

After we ate, Misato went back to the living room to commit genocide against her own liver. She did this with her pet penguin, Pen Pen. Look, I know you probably think I'm a bit loopy, but I swear it's true! Ask Asuka. She was honestly giving that critter beer and to my amazement he could keep up with her. Genetically engineered or not, that is just uncanny.

I sat at the table, still thinking about what to do. I didn't like my options. I could tell no-one else about what I found. Asuka, Sakura, you and me, that is three people more than the ideal amount to know this secret. But without you or Asuka I would have not found this out. So there is that. Speaking of the (Red) Devil.

"Hey, idiot. What did you do?" She asked me.

"Shhh... Misato is..."

"Blackout drunk. With a penguin. Go figure."

*Sigh* "I went to Rei."

"You still haven't gotten over the doll?" She asked.

"It's not that. I was just asking..."

"Are you stupid? She will report you to the Commander!"

"No, because I didn't ask her directly. Besides, she would incriminate herself too." I leaned closer. "There was an 11th angel. Ireul."

"I know. I heard you and Misato before."

"Oh... Anyhow she mistakenly let the name slip. You know what this means?"

"That the Commander told her. Or someone."

"Come on, Asuka. She only talks to me and him. But I don't think she knew about Unit-03 before."

"She knew."

"What?"

"Shinji, what do you remember from the battle? I mean before you engaged Unit-03."

"Just that you were cut off when you tried to tell me that Touji was the pilot. The angel attacked you."

"Before that. About Ayanami."

"She only said 'Ikari-kun' before being cut off." I replied. "Before that, we just waited for 10 minutes."

"At the time I didn't think it was important, but she was looking towards Matsushiro, even though we weren't told from which direction the angel would attack." She said. "She knew."

"Fucking bitch!" I was livid. I could understand why my father, the asshole or his minions would not tell me, but Rei was supposed to be my friend. Not just that but we fought side-by-side. We even saved each other a few times. "She knew and said nothing! I'll kill her."

"Shit, Shinji, calm down! I hate her, you know that, but don't do anything stupid."

"People keep telling me that."

"Because you will, sooner or later. And it will not end well."

I thought a bit about that. Asuka obviously knew me well, since I've been planning to do something drastic. Cold-blooded murder was not my style as I am diametrically opposed to that kind of thing. But I could not let this slide. Touji was my best friend, and probably my only true friend besides Asuka. Rei didn't count, she probably did whatever she did on orders from my father.

"If I do, will you stop me? Tell them what you know?"

"No..." She replied. "Please, Shinji, don't do anything. I wont tell NERV, but think it over. Maybe after the war is over, we can help the UN or someone prosecute them."

"Fine," I gave in. I mean it's hard to argue with Asuka. Seeing how she tended to be violent if people disagreed with her it seemed like a good idea. And to be honest, what could I do? I was just a 15 year old boy. "But this will not be forgotten."


	2. Action

I hate this part. The angel alarms sounded, I was taken with Asuka to NERV, we suited up. But instead of being deployed in the city, we were shot up inside the Geofront. I wont bore you with the details. You know what happened, you had first class tickets to the show.

My time inside of Unit-01 was... interesting, to say the least. When Akagi tells you I don't remember anything, don't believe her. I remembered everything, in excruciating detail. It wasn't that bad initially. I got this feeling of euphoria, like I was at last home. All my fears and anxieties were gone as I floated in a plain, while void.

But every time I was thinking about returning something kept me, pulled me back. I heard this voice telling me that all was right and that I was safe. That I don't have to go back. But that was not right, was it? I had to go back. After what seemed like an eternity, I managed to fight off the lure to stay.

I woke up briefly, laying naked on the catwalk right before the EVA, cradled by both Asuka and Misato. I turned my head to see Rei watching from a distance. When she noticed me looking at her, she turned away, looking guilty. I don't remember anything else.

When I regained consciousness I saw a familiar ceiling, the ceiling above my usual bed in the hospital. In times like these Rei used to greet me after waking up. Now it was Asuka, for which I was very grateful. I don't know if I ever wanted to face Rei again.

"Slept well, idiot?" She asked. I have gotten used to the nice Asuka, but now her voice was anything but accommodating. "Didn't you promise you wouldn't do anything stupid? Like playing the big damn hero again?"

"How long..."

"Almost five days. You know how worried we were?"

"Sorry... I didn't think."

"You never do." She smiled. "But it's good that you're back."

"It's good to be back. When can we go?" I asked as I started to get up, but managed to fall back onto the bed. I felt weak, but I didn't intend to stay a minute longer than I needed.

"When I say so!" A woman said from the door in an annoyed voice. It was Dr. Akagi, the fuck toy. I know she's your friend, but that's the truth. I saw her leaving my fathers office once with her clothes and hair disheveled. It didn't take much to put two and two together and get sixty-nine. "For now, you need to stay overnight."

"Not going to happen, doctor. I'm going home."

"Hey!" Asuka raised her voice, not liking where this was going. "Listen to her. You were absorbed for five days in the EVA. A lot of things could have happened to you."

"Smart girl. Listen to her!" Akagi warned me.

"Fine," I said, then whispered into Asuka's ears, "You know why..."

"Don't worry. I'll be near." She replied with a smile. "Won't let the big bad doctor harm you."

* * *

After two uneventful days I was released. I had a lot of time to think. While my stay in Unit-01 didn't seem like five days, I still had time to mull over the things I found out. During my time floating in that formless void things were much more clear. Even before I was already trying to find a rational thing to do, but I guess my fears were to hard to get over. Not so in there.

If I did something, what would be the consequences? One wrong step and I could be killed or locked up forever. And what should I do? First I had to get myself in order, otherwise I would turn myself into my biggest enemy. All I knew that I hated Akagi, my father and even Rei.

This was when I decided that they'd need to die. There was no other way. I told Asuka that I would wait, but sooner or later, someone would figure out what we know and would act. I don't think that even being pilots would save us if we became thorns in NERV's side. My fathers side, I have to remind myself. Wouldn't things be better if they'd die, as soon as possible?

I was lying on Misato's couch when I made my shit-list:

K. Itzuki  
R. Akagi  
R. Ayanami  
K. Fuyutsuki  
G. Ikari

After a minute of deliberation, I crossed Rei off. I knew that as much as I loathed her, I couldn't harm her. She obviously had some disturbing relation to my father but that was not enough. Since the bastard raised her, she could easily have been brainwashed. It probably wasn't even her fault, she just followed orders and never even knew that they could be refused. Not to mention our history together.

I had thought to cross off Itzuki, since he was only a low-level tech. I only knew that he did the core scan with Akagi, but unlike Rei, he was a grown man who should have known better. He had a family, his own views and his own sense of morality. Obviously killing a 14 year old boy was not at odds with them, since he never told anything to anyone.

"Hey, Shinji!" I heard Asuka yell, "Don't forget dinner! I haven't eaten anything decent in a week."

Grumbling I went to the kitchen. I had to remember that while Asuka was much nicer and less competitive, this was probably only because she didn't see me as a threat anymore. I mean I wasn't the Invincible Shinji anymore, just the boy with the faulty unit. The fact that my EVA went berserk and ate me just added to that image. She could even accept the fact that I lasted longer than her in the battle against the 14th.

I heard her plop down in one of the chairs. I turned back to see her staring at me as I made dinner. She had a distracted look on her face, like she was about to ask something. After a few minutes of zoning in and out, she asked me something.

"Are you still pissed?" She asked cautiously. "I mean, about..."

"Yes," I admitted. "I think I know what to do."

"Okay..."

"You're not going to talk me out of this?" I was shocked that her reaction changed so much. "I mean, you told me over and over again not to do something idiotic."

"I talked to Hikari."

"Oh..."

I have completely forgotten about her. I guess you could call her Touji's ex-almost-girlfriend. He had a crush on her for a very long time, but was convinced that she didn't like him. With all the shit he and Kensuke pulled I was not surprised. Guess they weren't the brightest people I knew. I mean why would you piss of the girl you liked so much?

But Asuka told me that the class rep also liked him since sixth grade. It was all really odd. Touji had a crush on her almost as long. The two of them were totally oblivious about each other. Before Touji's death Hikari almost gathered her courage to ask him out. She even made him a bento and was about to have a nice little private lunch in school with my friend, but he was called into the principals office when Akagi went to recruit him.

A day later Hikari found out he died. I am not the most observant about people and we were never close, but I should have noticed that she wasn't present in school. But I spent most of my time wallowing in self-pity to notice it. And most of the students blamed me for his death and avoided me. Even Kensuke kept his distance, though he never accused me directly. I attributed her distance to the same fact.

"She's a wreck. I never even noticed how much she cared about Touji before. I went to give her the school printouts, I didn't even know she was grieving. Call me self-absorbed, but I had my own problems."

Her voice was sad and regretful, which I'm not surprised about. Everyone knew that Asuka's only real friend (apart from me, probably) was Hikari. A while back I assumed the friendship was shallow, seeing how Asuka has been aloof at best and downright hostile at worst to most people. While she was neither to the class rep, I didn't imagine her to open up much to her either. But hearing her I had to reconsider. She must have cared for Hikari deeply if her grief had such an impact on her.

"I want to help you." She continued. "Whatever it takes."

"No." I said.

"If it's some testosterone-fueled male posturing..." She shrieked angrily at me.

"That's not it!" I yelled back. "It's my mess and I should fix it!"

"Fix it? This isn't about fixing it! You'll not get him back that way. And it's Not. Your. Fault!" The last words were said slowly, with the same tone you'd use to explain the Schrödinger equation to a toddler.

"Then what is it?"

"Revenge." She said, her tears starting to well up. "Shit, do you think I want this? I'll lose my status as a pilot at least. But I can't stand this... If it would have been Hikari, I'd do the same thing as you."

"I cant let you get into trouble. You already did enough to get into some serious shit!"

"I saw the core scans, I told you what it meant and now I'm not trying to stop you or report you. Even if you go alone, they'll find out soon enough that I was also involved. I want to help or I'll go crazy."

"Fine." I was exasperated. I could not argue with her. The moment I involved her she also started to live on borrowed time. "What will we do? Grab a gun and shoot them?"

"Exactly."

* * *

One of the interesting things about life in NERV's employ was that all pilots were trained to use guns. The purpose was less to give us proficiency with handguns and more to learn about gun safety. The same basic principles were true for EVA scale weapons as with normal ones. And when a stray bullet could destroy a building by itself, you really needed all the training you could get. Factor in that .22 cal bullets were much cheaper to shoot than the HEAA shells or even the simulation time in the MAGI and you can certainly see the logic behind this reasoning.

So they gave us a Walther P22 for training. The small pistol was better suited for us teenagers than something with a bigger caliber as the recoil was easier to manage. While it has less power, it is still enough to kill or seriously injure someone.

Getting such weapons is pretty easy. Gun control after Second Impact is less than stellar. A lot of people are still carrying arms after the chaotic years and the following wars and riots. Before the Impact, the Japanese government was notoriously strict about owning guns. The current one has desperately tried to disarm people, but removing the amount of weapons in possession of the civilian population has been going on for decades.

We just had to find the right people. While I had no idea how to go about that, Asuka knew someone who knew some guy. All-in-all, we ended up with the pistols and about a few hundred rounds of ammo. Somehow Asuka managed to get it all cheaply.

The problem with such small-caliber bullets is that they don't kill reliably. Asuka has repeatedly drilled into me to aim for the head and from up close if possible. The main danger was that the target would still have time to retaliate.

Kazumi Itzuki was living in one of the more populated parts of Tokyo-3. So he didn't notice as an undescript brown haired boy was following him. In the last week me and Asuka have been trying to figure out how and where to do this. The best thing we could figure for now was to simply find out the routine of our targets and wait for the right moment to act.

I feared that I would not be able to go through what we planned. It is not hard to see why, my shy and meek attitude is no act. But the moment I saw the man I was reminded that he knew that Touji would die and my hatred overtook my fears. Even so, hating someone and killing them are two entirely different things. But I already made up my mind.

We were nearing the less populated part of his route home and thus the proper place to act. It was already dark and there was nobody near. I was already only a few meters from him, all I had to do was aim and...

"What are you..." The man started, but stopped when he saw my gun aimed at him. Before I knew how to react to his words I heard three shots. It took me a few moments to realize that I was the one who fired them.

Two of the bullets hit him in the head, the third one missed. The whole affair seemed pretty clean despite the brutality of the act. I expected more blood, but I guess the bullets didn't exit his head.

I saw no-one near us, but I still ran in half-panic not wanting to risk anyone noticing me. At this point getting caught would have been catastrophic. We have long ago decided that whatever happens we need to go through our plans and there were still three people to go. I was not going to turn back. I was already a murderer.

I only stopped when my thighs were screaming in pain. I am a pretty good runner, I have a lot of stamina, partly thanks to the training NERV gave us. This means that I must have ran for at least a mile. Nobody followed me and Section-2 was still probably playing grab ass.

I dropped to my knees and vomited. This was the first time I killed someone intentionally. I looked the man in the eyes and shot him. I felt horrible from the simple fact that I had it in me to do it, not to mention from actually doing it. I hope feeling this way means that I'm still a human being. It didn't matter, because I realized that I'll go through with the rest of our plans, my humanity be damned!

* * *

_The following part was written by Asuka, I just included it here. I guess she wanted to make her own little confession. – Shinji_

Hello, Kaji. I guess if you are reading this you have already found out what we did. It would be pointless to try to excuse myself. I know what I've done and I'll let the moralizing to the dummkopf. You would understand if you have seen Hikari. Or Sakura, as Shinji told me.

Getting the gun was easy. The idiot that Hikari asked me to go out with always flapped his mouth about his connections to some smalltime arms dealer. His uncle or something. I went straight to the arcade he always hangs out at.

"Hey, Shiro!" I yelled when I saw him. "Wait up!"

"What do you want, Soryu?" Okay, he was still pissed that I left him waiting in line for a ride at the amusement park on our date, but it serves him right, boring me with his stupid stories.

"Hey, it's the girl that stood him up!" I heard one of his lackeys tell another. That wasn't doing much to his fragile male ego. Men can be so sensitive about such things. But you know about that, don't you?

"Shut up!" He roared back at them, trying to re-establish his status as alpha-male. This made him so predictable that I almost felt bad.

"So, can we talk? Privately?" I asked in my sweetest voice. Of course, Shinji knows what it means. I trained him well enough. "I want to ask a favor from you."

"You came back for some lovin'?" Shiro wasn't that smart. "I might be able to add you to my schedule."

"No, never." I scoffed. "I want to talk to your uncle. You know which one." I told him. "So, can you help me out?" My voice was so sweet that I almost went into a diabetic shock.

"What is in it for me?" He asked.

"I'll tell everyone that you've slept with me. And that you are the stud you tell everyone."

"I don't know. Uncle Tamura doesn't like strangers." He said, obviously wanting something more.

"If you don't I'll just tell everyone what really happened."

"Fine." He replied. "Are you sure you don't want..."

"Well..." I said like I was thinking his offer over making his eyes lit up. "I'm sure I don't want you near me." And it was gone. Sometimes I just have to love myself.

Later that day I met him where he told me to. Honestly I was a bit afraid, it was a pretty sketchy part of the city. Seemed like the place Ayanami lives at, but without the construction. He led me into a house and I was seriously considering turning and running. But my pride held me back.

"She's the one?" The man asked. I imagined him to be a big, disgusting man, like those Hells Angels I saw on the TV, but he was just this normal looking, thin man in a dark-blue suit, looking more like a simple salaryman just out of work. That eased my worries a bit, but looks can be deceiving. I mean I don't look line a highly trained, veteran soldier.

"Yep." I heard Shiro answer. "I leave you to your business. See ya, uncle."

"Yeah, tell 'hi' to your mother, I'll be over for dinner tomorrow." He turned to me, "Now, little girl, what do you want?"

"I need two Walther P22's and some ammo." I replied. The man seemed pretty decent for someone selling guns illegally, but I still was ready to run to the first sign of danger. While I lost my Section-2 detail a while back I could easily get a hold of them if needed. I hoped.

"Why? You wanna shoot rats?"

"Something like that." I answered.

"No. Go buy your guns in a store with a permit." He said. "You couldn't even pay for it. It's not cheap."

I took a wad of bills out of my pocket and tossed it to him.

"Ah, so you're some rich kid who wants to protect herself?" He smiled as he counted the money. "You pissed off some guy and now want something to protect yourself with."

It's wonderful how people instantly start to rationalize when they see some money. He went to a drawer and took out the pistol I asked for. It looked exactly like the ones we used at the range for training. I inspected it thoroughly, but nothing seemed to be amiss as far as I could tell.

"To be honest, I have a few of these I cannot get rid of." He told me, rubbing his chin. "Everybody runnin' around with Kalashnikovs, I could sell you those by the kilos."

"This will be fine, thank you." I said and paid the man.

"You know what? Call it 100.000 even and I'll give you a third one. A discount for such a pretty young lady."

I considered that. If that idiot Shinji loses his gun then we'd have a backup. And he was selling these pretty cheap. That meant...

"You wanna get rid of them bad, huh?"

"Well, I didn't get these the best possible way." He answered with a shrug. "Some idiot stole it from a NERV agent and when he realized his mistake, he needed to get rid of them instantly." He laughed.

"NERV agent?" I asked, perplexed. "They don't use Walthers."

"Nah, it was in his personal collection. Breaking and entering. How did you know that?"

"What would you do if I told you I work for NERV?" I asked. "And I'm a pilot?"

"Really?" He said, looking at me closer. "I thought you looked familiar. Tell you what, I'll give you the ammo for free, call it 'save the world' discount."

"Deal!"

That night we found an abandoned apartment near the edge of the city. With the amount of people fleeing every day, breaking into one of them was easy. Of course, I left the dirty work to Shinji. He didn't even whine this time.

He was going through some interesting changes. Ever since our decision he became quieter, which was quite a feat. These days he only seemed to talk to me. It made Misato worry, but there wasn't much to do. In school sometimes he even forgot to answer direct questions from the teacher. The only reason he didn't get in trouble was because Misato already notified the school that he may act weird for a while.

I guess all those changes got written up to PTSD or some other bullshit. But I saw the determination in him, to take action at least once and stand up to his tormentors. In any other situation I'd already be taking credit for his transformation but it didn't seem right to do so now. Still, this Shinji appealed to my baser instincts.

"Are you sure you want to be involved? I can do it alone." He said, but didn't sound so sure. I don't think he could go through it without me.

"Of course, idiot." I said. "We already talked about this."

"So... how?"

"We find out their daily routines and go at it, I guess." I wasn't sure about it either. It's true that I was trained to be a soldier, but assassination was never on the list of subjects they taught. "How hard can it be?"

"I guess."

The next week we sneaked around, trying to find the proper places to attack at. Itzuki and Akagi were easy, they both took the same route to and from work every day. Creatures of habit, I guess. We already found the proper place for both of them. Fuyutsuki and the elder Ikari were harder. They lived in the Geofront and always had a protective detail when they went outside of NERV HQ. We would figure out an answer later.

* * *

When I arrived at home after the first shooting I was extremely afraid. Apart from the full weight of what I did coming down on me I didn't want to be caught, at least not before we finished. I had to stay strong or Asuka would get hurt. I never wanted someone else paying for my incompetence again.

Misato was worried lately. We spent less and less time home, using most of our free time stalking our targets or at the shooting range. We told her that with the latest angel we felt we needed more training. She seemed to buy it. Of course, I let Asuka do the talking. I have to admit that I felt much more confident with her by my side.

"M-Misato, I-I'm home." I called out, but no answer came. At least, not from her.

"Hey, idiot, come here." I heard Asuka. "How did it go?"

"Where is Misato?" I asked nervously. While she is a pretty competent and versatile girl of many talents, subtlety was not one of them.

"Sleeping while holding Pen Pen..."

"Go figure," We both chuckled. "Yes, I did it."

"Is he dead?"

"I think head-shots will kill a man even with a .22" I said.

"How does it feel to be a murderer?" She asked with a sad smile.

"Not good." I answered honestly.

"Yeah, I figured."

"What did you do today?" I asked her.

"I went to check on Akagi a last time. We can do her together..." She said a bit more agitated than usual. But it was understandable. "Could you make some food? I'm hungry."

"Fine. If you wake up Misato. I want to see her before she finds out about Akagi."

"Are you sure it's a good idea? We should avoid her as much as possible. Neither of us are good actors."

"Doesn't matter. We'll be done in a few days, before anyone could figure out what's going on."

She just nodded and went to Misato's room. I didn't really feel like cooking so I heated some of the leftovers. Asuka is not going to like it, but I guess even she will understand. I wasn't so hungry after all.

* * *

"Hey, Shinji!" I heard Misato greet me. "What's for dinner?"

"Just leftovers."

"What?" Asuka shrieked. "You made me wake up Beerzilla for some leftovers?"

"Didn't feel like cooking." I answered sheepishly. "We could order in, if you want. I'll pay."

"Nah, I wouldn't survive that long." Misato told me. We heard some low grumble from Asuka's direction. "And I guess you wouldn't, either." Misato said, poking at her stomach.

"Okay, fine." She was cute when she blushed. I served them the reheated leftovers and sat down to watch them eat.

"What did you two do today?"

"You know," Asuka replied. "Go to school, shoot a few rounds at the range, kill a man, study for the exam next week." If I would have had some drink, I would have made a spit-take.

"Good one." Misato replied chuckling. "Shinji, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just... Asuka surprised me with that joke." I answered nervously while shooting daggers at the redhead. "She is pretty funny today. Haha." If looks could say 'what the fuck,' Asuka would be pregnant by now. With twins.

"Yes, she is." Misato smiled, oblivious to anything but the food. "There's a sync test tomorrow."

"I don't feel up to it." I said.

"You never do." Misato said. "But this is not negotiable. Both of you go." I looked at her with a bit of a pout (that usually works, so sue me). I received the stern visage of the tactical officer in return. "Not negotiable." She repeated.

"Fine. But don't be surprised if Akagi becomes pissed that my scores are down."

"Pffft, yeah," Asuka said. "Like your scores would ever go down, Wonderboy."

While Asuka was known as a notorious nicknamer, this one hurt for the obvious reasons. She must have noticed me, because she mouthed a simple sorry. I just sighed and went to the kitchen for a drink.

"Shinji, are you okay?" Misato asked after my fellow conspirator went back to her room. "You could still speak to a pro."

"No need, but thanks."

"Shinij, it's better to deal with these things now and not let them fester."

"I won't live long enough for it to fester."

"Shinji!" She was worried. Of course I know why I said that, but she probably guessed I meant the angels. With the last one, this was not a big stretch. "Don't be so pessimistic. We'll all survive, you'll see."

"Thanks, but I have a bad feeling."

"We all do." She replied and gave me a hug. "But we're here for you. Even Asuka. Don't you forget that."

"I won't. Promise." I hugged her back awkwardly.

* * *

The sync test went as well as you can imagine. My scores fell since the last test. I knew the reasons, but Akagi didn't. So she became pissy, of course.

"Shinji, concentrate!" She almost yelled. I guess such a test is frustrating for her too. And she'd be the one to explain this to my father. "You are down five percents."

"Sorry," I replied. 'Fuck you!' I added mentally. I continued and concentrated as much as I could. Asuka must have had similar problems.

"Asuka, you are down almost ten points! What the hell is wrong with you two! Only Rei kept hers steady!"

Ah, Rei. I couldn't stand the sight of her, even if I decided not to kill her. When I saw her again, I couldn't even talk to her, so I ignored whatever she wanted to say before the lockers and went straight to the EVA cages.

Asuka, on the other hand looked ready to go nuclear. I couldn't forget the glare she shot her when we met up before the security checkpoint. At first she looked surprised but soon it changed to a look of pure anger and hatred. I didn't know her hate for the bluehead went so deep.

"Shut up you blonde bitch!" She replied. "Come sit here if you can do better!"

"What was that?" She asked outraged, but calmed down. I guess it was thanks to Misato. "If you don't get your sync score up, I'll have your piloting status revoked! And next time I won't overlook your insubordination."

"Fine," Asuka grumbled something in German I couldn't understand but sounded like something an irate German trucker would say after being pissed of severely by a French customs-officer. Apparently Akagi let it slide. I didn't like the tense atmosphere and wanted out as soon as possible. We still had a job to do tonight.

After finishing and exiting, we went to the locker rooms. To my biggest surprise, Asuka came to the mens part instead of the womens. I just gawked as she started to remove her plugsuit. Mine was feeling pretty constricting at the moment.

"A-Asuka!" I said, "You came to the wrong side!"

"I don't want to be near that bitch." Then she turned to me and asked, "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Y-Yes."

"Kiss me. Properly this time." I was mesmerized. I felt I couldn't move an inch to save my life. I looked at her as the plugsuit was depressurized and hung on her limply. From my point I could see the top of her breasts. I tried not to linger my eyes on them too much lest I'd be called a pervert again. Her voice brought me out of my reverie. "Well?"

I went over to her and this time we kissed the right way. It was extremely sloppy and amateurish, as expected from two inexperienced teenagers like us, but I never felt this excited before. Feeling her lips on mine, the touch of her soft arms around my neck, the heat of her body against mine. I could have died happily.

This time everything felt completely different. It wasn't like our previous one done because Asuka was bored. We kissed for what felt like eternity. We looked each other in the eyes in silence. What happened after the kiss I won't tell you, because I'm a gentleman.

* * *

_Asuka again. She asked me not to read this. I wanted to, but since she insinuated that some pretty horrible things would happen to me if I did, I had to obey her. – Shinji_

I finally did it! With Shinji, no less. I guess I should explain why. The idiot still thinks we'll come out of this unharmed. Well, he thinks I will, at least. I cannot see how, but I didn't want to agitate him anymore. I figured that if something goes bad I don't want to die as a virgin. While I hoped you'd be the one to do the honors, I'm running out of time. And lets face it, Misato has the end of your leash. Such a shame.

I trust Shinji. I was afraid that he'd end up chickening out, but he came through with flying colors. I guess he is the best I can get on such a short notice. And I have to admit, he's kind of cute. But before yesterday I pegged him as totally spineless and that is not my type. Not so spineless anymore.

Do I love him? I don't think so. I don't know whether he feels the same or not, but I have suspected for a long time that he had a crush on me. I cannot say the same. He will leave me like everyone before. But I guess ever since we decided to go through with our revenge we've been living in the moment, never knowing what the future will bring. And our concept of future could be measured in days. But forgive me for rambling.

He noticed how pissed I was at the sync test. I don't want him to know what I did yesterday, while he hunted down Itzuki. You see, while he would never actually hurt Ayanami since they had some history together, I would. All that talk about following orders and not having any choice doesn't sit well with me. I'm German, you have to remember. I cannot tolerate that excuse out of principle.

The funny thing is that she doesn't have a security detail. While at least three Section-2 goons are watching us when we're at home or school, she didn't have one. Wouldn't have been hard to spot them, I guess. They aren't exactly that competent. Shinji is pretty proud how he can evade them so easily, but it's not that hard. I managed to do that all the time back in Germany whenever I wanted to sneak out to have some fun.

I saw the place she lived at and for a swift moment I had some sympathy for her. The whole place is a shithole. Shinji said how bad it was but I couldn't believe it until I saw her place. I went up to apartment 402 and stared at her door. I tried to push it and found it open.

When I went in I saw her sitting on her bed. She didn't even have a chair. When she noticed me I could see the shock on her face, but when she saw my gun, she calmed down. I will never understand it. Before she could say as much as 'hi,' I shot her point-blank. She fell to the floor, dropping a piece of paper. I only saw two words on it. 'Gomenasai, Shinji-kun' I quickly took it with me.

The next day I was happy that the bitch died, so you can guess my shock when I saw her meeting us at the security checkpoint. I guess you could see that one coming, didn't you? And the worst part was that she wasn't even injured. I put the bullet right between her eyes and added a second one just to be safe.

You can guess how good the rest of my day was. I got into a spat with Akagi, but seeing how the bitch would be dead by the end of the day, I tried to let it slide. I even recited some Goethe poem in German to soothe my mind, a bit of a concentration mantra if you will. It was funny, Shinji thought I was swearing. I didn't want to correct him.

* * *

After leaving the locker rooms I knew that despite what happened and what I wanted to do (curl up in my room and grin like an idiot for at least two days) I still had to do Akagi. No, not that way. I suck at speaking this way. Anyhow, the plan was simple. Wait until she's home, knock and shoot. Then run like hell.

I think even the fact that I was walking around free was thanks to the fact that Zeruel convinced a lot of people to leave. The city was built to be the home of several hundred thousand people, but barely twenty thousand remained after the 14th. It was almost expected by now: an angel attacks and a bunch of people decide to bail out. By now most of the town started to look pretty empty. This meant less witnesses were around. I am pretty sure no-one was near enough to hear the shots when I killed Itzuki.

Akagi, as the head scientist of NERV lived in an upscale part of the city. Fortunately rich people were some of the first to bail out so the complex only had a few occupied apartments. I was lucky, I figured I could get away before anyone would notice that something is amiss. Not to mention the fire exit next to Akagi's window also provided some emergency measures.

When I reached her door (she lived on the first floor, in apt. 107) I knocked. "Who is it?" I heard her call out. Time to put my acting face on. I had to be careful so she didn't notice the bulge in my pants. No, not that one.

"Hello, Akagi-sensei. It's me, Shinji Ikari."

She opened the door and stared at me. "What do you want?" Her question was a bit raw, but I did not expect more from the woman who authorized the death of my best friend.

"I... I wanted to apologize for Asuka. She had a rough... well... life. And I wanted to ask a few questions. About Unit-03."

"Oh." She said, a bit anxious. "Come in."

I went in and the first thing I noticed was a shirt on the floor. A mens shirt several sizes too big for her. "You have company?" I asked, pointing at it. She blushed before answering.

"My... My brother was here." She didn't have a brother. And even if she did, why would he take his shirt off? It was almost laughable that my father would forget such an item. I could imagine the mighty Commander wandering around in a coat, without a shirt underneath it. "What did you want to ask? And thanks for the apology. I guess I shouldn't expect Asuka to do it herself."

"No, not really. I wanted to know how the infection happened. I was too... preoccupied to ask before."

"Well, it happened when the EVA was in transit from Detroit."

"I thought the core was infected first."

"Who told you that?" She looked at me, but then sighed. "Doesn't matter. No, the EVA was infected, the core was only infected after it went on a rampage." That was, of course a lie.

"Why didn't anybody check? I heard that an infection is pretty evident from a core scan."

"Shinji, I know it hit you hard, but hindsight is 20/20."

"That's the same thing Misato told me."

"Because it's the truth. Do you want something to drink?"

"Water would be nice, thank you."

As she went into the kitchen I decided it was time for the truth. I didn't give Itzuki a chance to explain himself, but Akagi would have her chance. I knew I wouldn't have the same reservations about killing her. I was already pissed how she treated us like disposable components for her precious EVA's. I bought my gun out of my pant and checked it one last time.

"Here you are... Shinji!" She dropped the glass when she saw my gun pointed at her. "Put that down!"

"No. Shut up and sit down or I'll shoot you!" I said, motioning to the chair she sat on previously.

"What... what do you want?"

"You knew, didn't you?"

"Shinji, you are..."

"Paranoid?" I asked, louder than I intended. "Crazy? Out of my mind? Now answer me!"

"We didn't..." I interrupted her by shooting her in the leg. She screamed and clutched the wound.

"Every time you lie about something I already know I'll shoot another part of you. Want to find out what I already know?"

"Ow, fuck. It hurts like a bitch."

"Wanna make me stop it?" I asked, aiming for her head. To be honest, I was a lot less hesitant to kill someone in cold blood than before. I didn't have to act too much. And as much as I hate to admit it, it felt great to have some power at least once in my life. "Just say the word!"

"We knew. We did a core scan with a guy called Kazumi Itzuki. Why don't you ask him?" She groaned in pain, trying to sell the lowly tech out.

"I didn't have the time to talk with him when I saw him."

"You..." If her eyes bulged any more, I think they'd fall out. I almost had to laugh at that.

"Yes. Now answer this. What is my father planning?"

"No." She answered after a few seconds. "I don't care what you do but if he finds out I talked he'll do far worse things than whatever you have planned doing to me."

"I could ask Ayanami." I shrugged.

"Hah!" She snorted. "She's less likely to talk than I am!" She answered. I must have been distracted because she reached for her pocket and fired a gun.

Thanks to my training I reacted instantly and shot her in the stomach, making her fall down from the chair. I saw her clutching the new wound so I raised the gun and fired again, aiming for her head. She died this time.

After the adrenaline wore off I felt a pain in my sides, making me fall back on the chair. I saw that my left side was bleeding heavily. I couldn't stay longer so I made a beeline towards the exit.

I guess nobody has heard or seen anything, so I could make my escape unnoticed. My wound hurt pretty bad, but I could make it to our hiding place. Asuka was already waiting there. When she saw the blood on my shirt her eyes widened in fear.

"What happened to you?" The worry was evident on her face. It actually made me forget the pain for a second. I couldn't say this was the worst I felt. The 5th boiling me alive was far worse.

"Akagi was not unarmed." I replied and sat down the ground groaning. I saw Asuka go to the kitchen (or what used to be the kitchen) and brought a first-aid kit. "I still killed her."

"Let me see it." I raised my shirt so she saw my wound clearly. She cleaned it, which hurt more than being shot. Damn iodine. "The bullet only grazed you. You are extremely lucky."

"But that means evidence..."

"Yes, I know. You probably left enough that in a few days they'll know it was you."

"We don't have enough time to go after my father. I mean, how will we get into the Geofront with these?" I pointed at my gun. I feared we would not be able to finish it. Damn Akagi had to shoot me!

"I have an idea." Asuka said and I was already feeling better.

* * *

That part was the last that Shinji wrote. You know why. I guess I'll have to finish the confession. Ayanami somehow survived and I was livid. Is she an immortal? Is she a highlander? It's outrageous. I guess there must be a conveyor belt turning out new Ayanami's every time one of them dies. Or maybe there is a big, creepy aquarium... brrr, I don't even want to think about it.

She probably doesn't remember our last meeting because we're still free. If the Commander already knew, we'd be locked up or killed. There is definitely something rotten in Denmark, but I have no time to mull it over.

I had a serious case of deja vu as I stepped into her apartment again. She sat at the exact same spot as yesterday. It was creepy enough. You know I was never one for talk and subtlety but I had to know something. So this time I gave her a chance to talk. Looking back I don't think it was a good idea, seeing how Shinji ended up after talking to the blonde bitch.

"Hello, Wondergirl!" I greeted her. She looked up from her place and looked at me surprised. "Didn't expect me, did you?"

"Hello, Soryu. I expected Ikari-kun." She replied.

"I guess you don't get what you want." I spat at her. "Why didn't you tell him? Or me?"

"I was under orders from the Commander not to tell anyone." She replied, cold as ever. Then I saw a piece of paper in her hands.

"Gomenasai, Shinji-kun." I repeated and much to my amazement she looked at me shocked.

"You killed me..."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied. "You are sitting here, completely unharmed. However that spot looks like blood." I pointed at her bedsheets.

"I see." She told me. Shinji is such an idiot. He thinks the girl is even more socially inept than him... well, she is, but she's also pretty observant. I took my gun and pointed it at her head.

"Tell me, how did you come back from the dead?"

"Another clone was activated."

"How many of you have been active?"

"I'm the third."

That was a shocking thing to hear. I guess someone beat me to the punch before. "How many are left?"

"I do not know. There are hundreds of clones." I must have looked pretty shocked myself, since she looked at me questioningly. The way she tilted her head, like a sad little puppy made me realize why Shinji has a crush on her before. Well, had is the proper tense here.

"Who knows about this? Who could... reanimate you?"

"Dr. Akagi, Sub-commander Fuyutsuki and Commander Ikari."

"Then it doesn't matter." I replied. "There wont be anyone to do it tomorrow."

"Thank you." She said before I killed her again. I could take a guess why she would say that. If Shinji's depressed then Wondergirl is a Kafka-novel on heroin withdrawal. I guess I should feel a little sympathy for her. Too bad it had to end like this.

* * *

Before going off to our last targets, we went to see Sakura and Hikari a last time. We asked them to meet us at the mall. The problem was that the idiot still had a pretty big wound on his left side. It made him wince every now and then. But I took pretty good care of it, considering the circumstances.

"Hello," I greeted the girls. "Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, hi." Shinji added, not daring to look at them.

Hikari and Sakura must have been talking about Touji because both of them had tears in their eyes. Hikari looked better than the last time we've met, but she was still pretty shaken up. She must have really loved that idiot.

"We were friends ever since first grade." She said like she was reading my mind. "He was one of my closest friends, and..." She stopped when she saw Shinji.

"He knows." I said to her offering an apologetic smile. To be honest, she never asked me to keep it a secret from Shinji.

"I'm sorry," He said, trying to smile. "I just... I guess we won't meet again for a while." I wanted to admonish him for being so pessimistic, but I didn't feel much better.

"Why?" Sakura asked.

"Don't ask." I said. "I'm Asuka, by the way. I'm the friend of this one." I pointed to Shinji. "He's my accomplice."

"In what?" Hikari asked with wide eyes.

"You'll find out soon enough." This time Shinji replied and looked at me like yesterday after I made that stupid joke. "I have to tell you something. I guess in a way it's also a goodbye.

"I know we didn't know each other that well, Hikari, but I knew Touji. I..." He stopped and looked away. I put my hand on his shoulder to help him steady his resolve. "I have to tell you that Touji had a crush on you. Since seventh grade, but didn't have the courage to tell you."

That sent Hikari in a crying fit again. I hated myself for talking Shinji into this. He wasn't the best person for this sort of thing, but this was his duty.

"Sakura, Hikari..." I turned towards them, since Shinji didn't look like he'd be able to continue. "Take care of each other. And watch the news tomorrow." I stood up and so did Shinji. "We have to go."

I looked back and saw how Touji's little sister tried to comfort Hikari, who in return would comfort her. I guess at least they should be able to come out of this unharmed. I hope you will not betray our trust. Help them in any way you can! They deserve a better ending.

We walked away pretty quiet. Shinji was moping again and for once I couldn't fault him. He still felt that it was his fault that Touji was killed. Of course he knew that it wasn't, but his guilt didn't fade a bit. I must admit in the end that I have my guilt too.

It's pretty hard to write it down, even for someone such as me. Shinji assumes that the only reason I went along with his idea is because of him and Hikari. It is not the whole truth. At the beginning of his confession he said that inaction can kill as much as action. But he tends to forget that the 13th defeated me and Rei before he got his chance. I didn't like the stooge, but that was a far cry from wanting him dead or not feeling bad for it happening.

I was too caught up in my own woe, that the Invincible Shinji defeated me once again, but a look at Hikari back when I saw her first after the battle made me realize that my "inferiority" wasn't the most important issue. I'm far from being the sociopath everyone describes me.

* * *

_Please, visit the address below and get the rest of this document. It is important that you read them first. In the end, this is the story of Shinji Ikari. I just told the parts of the story he doesn't know or didn't have the time to write down. – Asuka_

"Do you know where we're going?" Shinji asked me.

"Of course I do!" I told him. "And if you look up I'll... well, nothing you haven't seen."

I turned back and saw him blush like crazy. He was cute that way, I know why Misato teases him all the time. We continued crawling through the air vents. It's a pretty good way to bypass the security of NERV. I remembered how we did the same when the 9th attacked, but for different reasons.

Soon we reached the one place where there weren't any security cameras: the womens restroom. Even that paranoid bastard Commander Ikari wouldn't put any here. I left Shinji to open the grate before we exited. About damn time, I was pretty cramped.

He tried to climb down, but the klutz managed to fall down and land on his ass with a pained yelp. I landed next to him in an elegant and ladylike manner. I guess I shouldn't have laughed, his wound was still probably hurting. I barely managed to stop the bleeding and it could have opened up again. I checked to be sure, but I guess the dummy was hardier than I figured.

The first logical place to search the Commander and the Sub-commander was the command center. We made our way there, hopefully missing any security guys. Or Misato. We were lucky enough, even the agents we passed didn't spare us any glance.

We were greeted by the sobbing of Maya Ibuki. The Lieutenant was not on Shinji's shit-list so I let it slide that she did nothing to stop the dummy plug. We peeked into the command center to find the two other idiots trying to console her.

"She was shot dead!" Ibuki cried out. "Someone broke into her apartment and shot her in the head."

"Sssh... calm down." Idiot #1 patted her back, "They'll find out who did this."

"Yes, Maya-kun, don't worry." Idiot #2, the long-haired one added his two cents.

Shinji looked at me with a bit of panic in his eyes. I just shrugged and mouthed him 'Don't worry.' Then I decided to step in. That made Shinji duck behind the door.

"What happened?" I asked with as much fear in my voice as I could fake. "Is..."

Idiot #2 came over to me and whispered. "Someone shot Akagi-sensei. The criminal investigators are going through the scene right now."

"When did this happen?" I asked.

"She was found only half an hour ago."

"Shit... What now?" I asked.

"They'll have to bring in someone from Germany to continue her work..."

"That's not what I meant!" I answered, yelling at the idiot. "Will this happen to me?" I hated myself, but I had to play the spoiled, selfish bitch now. I guess I don't have to act that much. Sorry, I'm starting to sound like Shinji now.

"No, it won't!" He said. "This was a one-time attack done by some amateur!"

"I... I need to speak with the Commander. Where is he?"

"Soryu-san, the Commander is very busy. He and the Sub-commander are in his office having a meeting." He replied.

"I have to talk to him."

"You can try, but..."

"Thank you," I said, ducking out of the command center. I couldn't stand Ibuki's cries. While I could understand why she was so shocked by her death, I also had to remind myself that the victim was the woman that knew very well, no, expected much in advance the infection of Unit-03. If she did the 'illogical' core scan right before the activation then she must have at least had a suspicion.

* * *

"How are we going to meet them?" Shinji asked once we were clear of C&C. "I mean..."

"Easy. I'm going to throw the temper tantrum of the century." I looked at him proudly. "And the best part is that the Sub-commander is with him."

"Let's go!" He nodded with conviction.

Things were coming to an end. I didn't even have to ask Shinji which one I should take. I knew he wanted to kill Gendou himself and I would not deny him the honor. But Gendou is a dangerous man, so we'll have to act instantly. I hoped that Shinji understood this and wouldn't try to give some stupid one-liner before pulling the trigger.

We reached the office pretty soon and saw the doors closed. I walked to his secretary.

"The Commander is busy, you cannot go in!" She said preempting my question.

"Let us talk to him!" I said. "Dr. Akagi was killed and I fear we'll be the next." I pointed to Shinji. "You know who he is? He's the son of the Commander. He'll be pretty pissed if you don't let him in."

"Yeah, right." The secretary scoffed. Shit, she knows about their relationship. Their distant, uncaring attitude was legendary through NERV, I don't know why expected something different.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, you are the Second Child. You still cannot go in."

Shinji walked behind the womans desk and pulled his gun out. Before the secretary could react he shot her in the back of her head. This wasn't like the Shinji I got to know. But I guess that Shinji Ikari was finally gone. I could say it was an odd feeling to see this budding young spree killer, but I was too shocked by his last action. I guess he had it in him to do anything to reach his goals. Too much like his father, but I wouldn't have told him that comparison.

"Your method wasn't working." He must have seen how surprised I was. "But thanks for the distraction."

After a moment of thinking he pressed the call button on the desk. "Commander!" He yelled. "Someone shot your secretary!"

Soon we heard hurried steps and the door opened. And there we saw the antagonists of this little tragedy. What followed will be with me for the rest of my life. Everything seemed to go in slow motion.

I saw Shinji slowly raise his gun at his father. I remember doing the same to Fuyutsuki. They had no time to react but the utter shock on their faces will forever be etched in my memory. It still brings a bit of warmth to my heart when I think about it.

We opened fire the same time and saw them fall to the ground. Shinji didn't even stop, he was pulling the trigger even when the gun was empty. Miraculously they found that all nine rounds hit the man square in the face. I only shot the older man a couple of times myself. Shinji reloaded the gun and I instantly knew what would happen in a few seconds. Call it a premonition, womans intuition or just an astute observation, but it seemed so obvious.

"Drop your weapons!" As expected I heard a Section-2 agent yell. For a moment I considered making a last stand with Shinji, to go out in a blaze of gunfire, but reconsidered. I guess I chickened out. In the end, the boy everyone considered a wimp has chosen the 'honorable' option. Damn Japanese.

I turned and let the gun fall out of my hands. I still had some hope that Shinji would do the same thing, but I guess the ending is a foregone conclusion. Shinji turned and raised the gun with shaking hands. Before the agents shot him he glanced at me. The way he smiled, apologetic and sad. Guess it was like his life.

Sorry, this part is the hardest. The Section-2 agent opened fire, hitting Shinji two times. After what seemed like an eternity he fell to the ground. I kneeled next to him just in time to hear his last words.

"We... did it. Asuka... thank you... I love..." And he was gone, just like that. I saw tears dropping on his face and it took me a few moments to realize that they were mine. Shinji was dead.

Everything after that is hazy. I remember that I was cuffed and thrown into one of the holding cells. A Section-2 agent came and interrogated me. I got a few hits and kicks. I guess since his Commander died he felt he needed to take out his frustration on me.

If you could ask me whether it was worth it, I couldn't answer. It wasn't justice or doing what the true murderers of Touji Suzuhara deserved. It was revenge, simple like that. They killed his friend, we killed everyone involved. While our memories will be tarnished, I'd like you to remember that the boy and girl who did this also saved the world a few times. And if I'm right, I'll have to do it again. I wonder what the 15th will be like.

Guess this is the end. I don't know what else to say. When I asked to see you they agreed on the condition that I would confess and tell them everything that happened. They even gave me a pen and some paper.

I should say something profound but all I could come up with was that maybe I should have taken that last stand with Shinji. Will I spend the rest of my life in prison for the murders we committed? Or will they take my previous service in account?

* * *

**A/N**: This was the most fun story I've ever written, despite the ending. I was always worried that I like the characters too much to kill them off or do anything to hurt them, but I guess that's not true. It was also an exercise in writing something darker.

Also, an apology is in order for the fans of Rei. I have to admit that includes me, but the reason she became a 'villain' is that this was seen through the eyes of Shinji and Asuka. And I still probably managed to make her a touch too sympathetic.

And if you think this is a happy ending, try to consider the true consequences of their actions. What will happen with only one pilot left? A pilot who is an unstable spree killer (how many times does Ayanami count)?

Despite this intermezzo, Peacetime Warrior is still on, the next chapter is all, but ready. But since something doesn't feel right, I am going over it with a microscope. And expect a sequel to this story later.


End file.
